Neighbors, nobody loves you like we do
Neighbors, your government has
Triumphed in finally making you a public fit for the 21st century
Never before has a governing body shown so much concern
For the economic well-being of its subjects
Today we have insulated you from countless
Factions who threaten your financial viability; such as the poor;
The idealistic foreigners still clinging to their childish notions of social welfare;
Why, you're even kept uninformed of useless propagandist
Journalism that reports alleged violations of human rights
(we all know they wouldn't have been punished if they hadn't been doing something wrong!!)
And who better to dispense such blatantly evident factoids but
A self-appointed authority like myself?
Acid rain is a thing of the past... Too many possible causes, too
Little significance for our modern thinking public, besides industrial
Manufacturing is at an all-time low anyway, who needs those narrow
Minded laborers anyway, too many mouths to feed,
And too much burden on the payroll!
Who needs 'em here in the land of the free time
Some other ass-backward country will give us
What we need by exploiting its uneducated children
The internet has expanded our ability to pacify average americans better
Than ever by offering fantastical adventures
To every corner of the imagination
Your home office is the window to your world,
And the heart of your social life
Such reclusive behavior helps clear the roads and
Public works from overburden like the lower middle class
And others who depend shamelessly on their government
Today you are freer than ever to
Do what you want, provided you can pay for it!
Remember, the first word in usa is us!
We have arrived, neighbors, we are the privileged elite!